死而不亡

死而不亡者寿。

——老子（约前571-前471）¹

我的经历开始于那个星期三的晚上就已经够不可思议了，第二天是感恩节。

我的濒死体验

何塞·埃尔南德斯（Jose Hernandez）

视频：//video.h5.weibo.cn/1034:4624051197640769/4624051786222915

我们在一些电线杆上安装电线，我站在一个云梯车上，我说了这样一句话，“如果我站在云梯上不动，你在卡车上操作，给我换地方，可以省几个小时的时间。”

我撞击到了云梯的边上右侧，肋骨全部骨折，我受了重伤，送进了急诊室。

他们给我用了止痛药，那药含有一种消炎的成分，结果我对那种成分过敏，所以最终我的肺停止工作，我停止了呼吸，心脏停止了跳动。

我面前出现了一个隧道，但不是通常被描述的那样，我是坠落进去的。我看到的只有色彩，从四面包围着我，所以我已经完全融合进去了。

我能听到这个色彩对我说话，有几百万个声音，喋喋不休。

然后我往下看，我看到了海洋。然后我注意到一个人在水里，水深大概在膝盖的位置。然后他突然转过身，然后……

我死亡中最大的意外是，我的新生活，那是我父亲。我和我父亲在生活中，关系非常不好，我们甚至都无法拥抱，所以他去世的时候，我痛苦极了，真的很后悔，我们从来都没能说出我们爱彼此，没能说出我们在乎。

……于是我看着他在这方天地间，我说：“天啊，这是我的机会，我能够和我父亲讲和的又一次机会。”

那在我的生命中，是永远都无法做到的。于是，我们拥抱了。我们说，我们爱彼此，我们爱彼此。

这次体验，改变了我人生中的方方面面。现在我知道了，他在乎我，我知道了他爱我。

他拥抱我的时候，看着我，然后他放开了我，就那样看着我，他说：“何塞，你需要回去。”

我看着他，说：“什么？你开什么玩笑？我喜欢这里，这里好棒，我不想回去。”

他对我说：“不行，你必须回去。”

虽然我当时并不想回来，但我们算是达成了一种共识，我们都认同，等我的死亡时间来临，他会来接我。于是我说：“听起来不错，我同意你的提议。”我就穿越回来了。我感觉到一种拉力，感觉到我身体后方的伤。

我在阴间见到我父亲的时候，我意识到，有时候，我们在这里可能有些话无法说出口，但是，我们能在其他地方说出来。

拥有这次机会，真的治愈了我的灵魂。以前，我只是得过且过，并不是真正生活，并不是活着。

这种经历非常难以消化，死亡非常煎熬。我这次经历的几年后，我开始绘画。²

FALL INTO BLUE（落入蓝中）何塞画作

不知道，我以前从来没画过画，最开始只是一种再创我所看到东西的渴望，我在一个有色彩的球中，这些色彩都在移动，然后我变成了一抹色彩，就是这样开始搞艺术的，只是一种想创造 3D 色彩感觉的渴望。

但随着我画得越来越多，我开始意识到，有更深层的东西，我开始感到治愈。

绘画真的在治愈我，死亡会造成心理阴影，很难去消化，很难从中走出来。这个艺术和色彩的世界，给我的生活带来了很多平静与祥和，让我感觉自己了解别人不知道的东西。

人们会问我，这次经历是真还是假，但是，我无法向你证明，我只能把我的经历分享给你。³

My Near-Death Experience⁴

Jose Hernandez

Artist

[Seattle InternationalAssociation forNear-Death Studies]

My experience startedincredibly enough, on a Wednesday evening.And it was Thanksgivingcoming up the next day.And we were running some electrical lines

on some polesand I was up on a bucket truck.We kind of said,"We could save a couple of hoursif I stay up on the bucketand you just maneuver the truckfrom space to space."

[murmuring]

I hit the side of the bucketand I broke all my ribs on my right side.I wound up in n emergency room.

They gave me a medication for painand it had some kindof an anti-inflammatory component.Turns out I'm allergic to it.So, ultimately, my lungs shut down,I stopped breathing and my heart stopped.

[water rushing]

There was a tunnel, but not the waythat it's typically described.I kind of fell into it.And what I saw was just colorwrapped all around me, so thatI was completely integrated into it.And I could hear this color talking to me.Millions of voices."Sssss." This chatter.

Then I look down and I see the ocean.And then I notice a man in the water.He's about knee deep.Then he turns around suddenly.

And, uh...the biggest surprise of my death,my new lifewas that it was my father.

[sniffles]

Me and my dad hada very difficult relationship in life.We couldn't even hug.So when he died, I felt totally bitterand really regretful of the factthat we never were able to saywe love each other or we care.

So I'm lookin' at him here in this space,and I'm saying, "Oh, my gosh.This is my opportunity.My second chanceto make peace with my dad."

[sobbing]

Something that I could never do in life.So...we hugged.

[sniffles]

[exhales]

[crying] And we said we loved each other.We loved each other.That has changed my life in so many ways.Just knowing that he did care.That he didlove me.

He looked at me when he embraced me.And he let go and he just looked at me.He said, "Jose. You need to go back."

I'm lookin' at him, like,"What? Are you kidding me?I like it here. This is great.I don't wanna go back."

And he said to me,"No, you gotta go back."

Whilst I didn't want to, uh...we came to, kind of,sort of an agreement, in a way.We-- we agreed that, when my time came,he would come get me and I said..."Well, that sounds likea pretty good deal. Let me go with that."And-- and I transitioned back.

I felt this sense of pulland I wound up back in my body.

When I met my dad on the other side...I realized thatsometimes, we may not be able

to say something herebutwe're gonna be ableto say it somewhere else.By having this opportunity...it truly healed my spirit.

Before, I just was moving through life.I wasn't living.I was not alive.

Thank you.

[NEW YORK CITY]

The dying is very difficult.A few years after my experience,I started painting.Had no idea. I'd never painted in my life.Initially, it was just a desireto reproduce what I sawwhere I was in a ball of colorand these colors were all moving,and I become the color.That's how I wound up doing art.Just a desire to try to createthat three-dimensional feeling with color.

But as I kept doing it more and more,I began to realizethat it's a lot deeper than that.It was healing.It was healing me.Dying is traumatic.And it's difficult to integrate

and-- and get past that.This world of art and colorbrought a lot of peace and calminto my life,and it made me feel a sense of knowing.

People ask meif the experience was real or not.At the end of the day,I can't prove to you.I can only share my experience with you.

¹ 出自老子《道德经》第三十三章：

知人者智 自知者眀 勝人者有力 自勝者強 知足者富 強行者有志 不失其所者久 死而不亡者壽 晉右軍王羲之書太上玄元道德經 早稻田文庫藏 //www.shuge.org/ebook/daodejingwxz/zh-hant/

² 何塞个人网站：//innerimmersion.org/

³ 摘自网飞最新纪录片《死而不亡》（Surviving Death，2021）自带中文字幕，字幕翻译：王成成。

⁴来源：//subscene.com/subtitles/surviving-death-first-season

这部纪录片的片名“Surviving Death”，原是“死而复生”的意思，中译为“死而不亡”，对于探索濒死体验、灵媒、轮回这样的话题，这个译法更为贴切。

Surviving Death（2021） 死而不亡 第一集：濒死体验（Near-Death Experience） 第二集：灵媒（上）（Mediums Part 1） 第三集：灵媒（下）（Mediums Part 2） 第四集：死后显灵（Signs from the Dead）

第五集：看见死去的人（Seeing Dead People）

第六集：轮回（Reincarnation）纪录片/真人秀 美国 英语 2021.1.6 美国 55 分钟/集

☟ 全六集在线：//www.bilibili.com/video/BV17V411t7j3